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Violent As Hell Popcorn

Sometimes Trump has easy decisions to make on The Apprentice. This week was one of those weeks. However, Trump, always susceptible to the group-think mentality as well as rudeness and general yelling, deciding to not make this one play so easy.

The task this week: Viral video for a Popcorn. Popcorn, Indiana or something, it was called. I don’t know, never heard of the brand.

I only really know two criteria for viral videos…one, that they are funny and make you want to show to someone else and two, that THEY ARE FUCKING FUNNY.

Neither of these videos fit any criteria that should be associated with viral video other than the video word.

If someone forwarded me one of these videos, or linked me to one of these videos I would consider retiring from the Internet. They were that awful.

Sure, hilarity is subjective and all that. Well, fuck that.

Oh, yeah, viral videos also shouldn’t look like they’re forced. A shot of two dudes slap fighting with popcorn with like a dozen people in the backdrop ready to run in and join the fray doesn’t seem very unforced. Same with the women’s video. Really, the women’s video was just down right awful and probably shouldn’t even be mentioned. I’ll give them both the benefit of the doubt on this aspect, because, it’s gotta be pretty hard to actually make a viral video when you’re setting out to TRY and do that.

Unless you’re making badass videos for new Mortal Kombats.

This week broke down into a couple of things…

First, the men made their aforementioned popcorn slap fight video. One dude, Wade, I believe, said he thought it could be too VIOLENT. Literally, he said that. It could fuck with the brand or otherwise blah, blah, blah with the brand in all sorts of ill lights. Please. It’s people hitting people with popcorn. There’s like a billion different things that I’d be afraid of in terms of violence. Popcorn is not one of them.

Sure, if the video was a dude taking a knife, stabbing the shit out of Orville Redenbacher and yellin’ “what now, bitch?” Then, sure, you’re violently promoting the brand.

Hitting folks with popcorn is just annoyingly promoting the brand.

As for the women? They had a dude eating popcorn while in a gym working out. Hello, this America. This probably happens daily. Half of the audience probably said, “shit, I can do that and still get results?” and went out today and ate popcorn while working out.

There also wasn’t anything funny about the women’s video. The men at least had a mildly entertaining video.

In the boardroom, the women laughed HYSTERICALLY at their awful video. Orville Redenbacher should have come in and slapped them all in the face. In an un-violent manner.

Oh, one of the women did not laugh. Tyana. I believe is how you spell that name. Tyana thought they lost and the men did better.

On to the men. The jackass who managed to survive last week, David, wasn’t around for any of the task. SHOCKINGLY, it went smoothly. He broke a tough eating a bagel. Trump’s daughter defended New York bagels. Said they were amazing bagels, and he shouldn’t have broke a tooth in one. No doubt one of the dude’s readied this as an argument for the boardroom.

So, the men won. Slightly so.

For the women, well, it all came down to concept. Lame concept, executed poorly. The executives thought they should have at least been over the top with it. Mahsa, the project manager, did all the work. So, easy choice. Fire Mahsa.

Not so fast, my friends.

The women’s team starts to gang up on Tyana. Said she didn’t like the concept. Said she was being a downer when they tried to edit it. Hello, she was trying to get you to at least include over the top funny shit from your lame filming.

Mahsa brought Tyana and some other chick back to the boardroom. Mahsa yelled a bunch, acted like a fool. Tried to not let Tyana speak. Trump, obviously, ate this shit up.

The women attacked Tyana because she didn’t like the idea from the beginning, didn’t offer her own idea, and then didn’t help them edit it. The last part seemed like a lie based on the way they edited it. She did want them to at least use their over the top footage.

At one point, Trump’s son pointed out that Mahsa even told one of the actors to TONE IT DOWN. When the executive said the main reason they lost was because they weren’t crazy enough.

And yet, Mahsa survived. Tyana went home.

Trump fell for the idea of Tyana not having her own idea when she railed against the other idea.

Here’s the idiocy of Trump’s decision: It’s a creative task. Tyana pointed out where the task did NOT fit the criteria of the task. They ignored her.

Should she have had an idea all her own? Well, it’s always beneficial.

HOWEVER, if the team realizes that she is right, and she was, then the team then is able to step back and begin to brainstorm CORRECT concepts. Instead, they ignored her, and continued with their incorrect premise. Mahsa did a good job of making it look like the foundation of her idea was correct and she just fucked the execution. Not really. One, the executives liked the popcorn while working out concept alone, which is really not much. Two, from the start, they were on a path that wasn’t really trying to create a viral event. Just an ironic situation.

Tyana got the boot because in the end, Trump loves when people are pushy in the boardroom and he hates going against the grain.

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4 Comments

  1. captain america

    the name of trump with a capital T?
    ……..ARE YOU DRUNK ALREADY?

    Reply
  2. bluzdude

    The Donald also knows that conflict makes people watch, so look for David and Masha to continue for a while.

    Note: I’m just waiting for someone to make the arguement, “Mr. Trump, would you REALLY consider having this loud-mouthed, obnoxious jerk (or shrill, obnoxious harpy) work for you?”

    Reply
  3. Susan Sweater

    Right, I’m in the UK and I don’t have a television. The first two facts. The next two look like this:

    FACT NUMBER 1

    Captain Donut Trout or whoever he is, is an Idiot. Hair like that does not engender respect, and makes you look like a twonk. Which is a kind of Idiot.

    FACT NUMBER 2

    Popcorn is inherently violent. This ‘task’ should have been a no-brainer. Idiots

    IN CONCLUSION:

    Do not watch television.

    DON’T GO OUT.
    EVER.

    Reply
  4. Acadia

    I wish I had a cool name like Captain Donut Trout.

    Reply

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