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Water

This is a good use for water.

This is a good use for water.

I got an email about water and it made me wonder things about the stuff.  You know how you can always find a good doomsday scenario about pretty much anything? Well, water is one of those things.  They will do some statistics about how there is only enough water for X number of people on the planet and we have more people than that.  Well, to me the amount of water we have is pretty much the determining factor in how many people we can have.  So if there is not enough to go around, then looks like some people are gonna have to die.

But that does not jive with the statistics below.  Of course, these might be just as stupid, but it seems like the ‘we don’t have enough water’ scientists need to talk to the ‘we don’t drink enough water’ scientists and make up their goddamn minds.  Also – coffee is 90% water, so it counts.  Makes more sense than buying water in bottles cause somehow the water that everyone else is drinking out of their sink will kill us.  Morons.

These people are totally peeing in there - further contaminating our supply.

These people are totally peeing in there - further contaminating our supply.

Remember – I have no idea if any of this is true…

  • 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population)
  • In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is mistaken for hunger.
  • Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism as 3%.
  • One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
  • Lack of water: the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
  • Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
  • A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a ! printed page.
  • Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
  • Are you drinking the amount of water you should drink every day?

You can answer that question if you want, but I don’t really care all that much.  The less you drink the more there is for me.  So stay away from that water fountain!  And while I am at it, here’s another thing about water.  Why do we have to use water in the toilets?  Like.  We have synthetic shit, no?  Why can’t we use something else for toilets.  Like…bleach?  think how clean everything would be.  Sure, there might be some dead dogs and babies who drank out of toilets, but statistically insignificant.

Bleach toilets are the wave of the future.  Think it’s stupid?  Go to the store and see how much a gallon of bleach costs as compared to a gallon of water.  They are practically the same!  Now, since I can’t think of anything else about water, watch Marty Robbins with his tiny little guitar sing Cool Water.  It’s a good song.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

3 Comments

  1. loolpooq

    nothing beats water

    Reply
  2. VetTech

    I love Cool Water aftershave.

    Reply
  3. ourbig.ru

    I like the questions! Yes i’ve seen them other places but it’s cool you gathered them all up. Ooh and I don’t think I will slit my throat thanks for the suggestion though. NOT

    Reply

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