You went to the wrong convention!

It seems like politicians have forgotten how to politic with the Republican convention being a parade of D-List celebrities, discussions of Avacados, Melania giving a speech about the struggles of being a black woman in America and to put it politely a distasteful message of hate. Now the Democrats that were sending over smug tweets are imploding as the Bernie Bro’s discover that making political sausage really is a disgusting affair. Hey guess what America. Our boys and girls at the conventions aren’t even close to achieving THE WORST convention. Sure we’re gonna hit top five but not the worst.

“Hippies, Flippies and Dippies!” -Mayor Richard J. Daley commenting on the 1968 Democratic Convention

Chicago 1968 has to be the worst political convention in terms of short and long term consequences.  Bernie’s Bros would be astounded at how crooked the Chicago Machine actually was. They didn’t hesitate to break heads in Grant Park. This was police brutality long before camera phones and CCTV were everywhere. Chaos broke out inside too with the famous outbreak of Connecticut Senator Abe Ribicoff being most memorable. Abe denounced the “Gestapo tactics” of the police and Mayor Daley let off an impressive stream of obscenities that showed how much his powerful machine had lost control. Hey kids there were National Guard units out there that were specially trained to fight battles with hippies. THEY WERE ARMED WITH FLAMETHROWERS AND BAZOOKAS!

In 1968 there were National Guard units equipped with flamethrowers and bazookas that had been specially trained to deal with hippies.

In 1932 Herbert Hoover was a shoe in for the Republicans. Instead of focusing on the worst economic disaster to hit the nation the GOP pointedly ignored the great depression and instead created a great drama surrounding prohibition to jazz up the convention. This might have been an important issue for the out of touch rich white guys running the party but it meant little to anyone standing in a bread line. They managed to create the impression that the party and it’s president was low key and out of touch. They practically elected FDR (who had to fight four votes to get his nomination at the Democratic Convention)  Remember FDR’s song “Happy Days Are Here Again”? It was a Republican song first but it backfired so hard at the 1932 convention that it became FDR’s theme song from then on.

Miami 1972 was just a clown show for the Democrats. Delegates nominated Martha Mitchell (Slightly crazy wife of Nixon’s attorney general), Archie Bunker, Mao Tse-Tung and other fun people in open mockery of the process. McGovern ended up making his acceptance speech at 3 a.m. “Prime Time in Guam” One of the big problems was the same kind of fixing the DNC is accused of now. New party rules handed down by a committee Mcgovern himself chaired sewed up the nomination for the South Dakota Senator. Jimmy Carter was the leader of the “Stop McGovern” movement and even at the roll call vote 40 percent of the other delegates voted for other canidates to express their anger.

Superficial Gallery supports political statements that involve bikinis

Topping it all off was the 1868 Democratic National Convention (Remember this was before the Democrats and Republicans switched places on the crazy spectrum) “This is a white man’s country. Let a white man rule.” was the “Lock Her Up” of 1868. Hating the Republican Party that had just won the Civil War and freed the slaves they caved to the southern whites and eastern financiers (who didn’t care about anything but lowering their taxes and upping their profits) Based on little more than white supremacy and the destruction of the federal government the delegates locked up to the point of electing a chairman when he left the convention floor to go to the bathroom. The party lost the election by a landslide.

The 1924 Democratic Convention required over 100 ballots to select a candidate. The 1964 Republican Convention resembled a “Barroom Fight” with Goldwater throwing down on Rockerfeller. Those flamethrowers and bazookas in 1968 being broadcast live to horrified Americans for seventeen minutes make the “Hot Mess” in Cleveland seem tame. Of course we still have a few more days for the Democrats to achieve total chaos.