If you have not watched any of Season 2 there are Spoilers.  Otherwise you are fine as long as you saw Episode 3.

So after this week’s episode of Westworld it became painfully obvious to me that I don’t watch the show closely enough.  I was driving back from CLT yesterday and listened to some podcasts about old episodes and they were talking about things I didn’t even know happened.  All these theories:  Ford is Bernard?  Bernard is the Matrix?  Elsie is Charlotte?  Bernard is Teddy?  What?

So TV is homework now.

I got burned by “LOST” because I was told everything would matter and no it did not.  At all.  So why am I going to watch another show like there is going to be a test on it when I can just sort of pay half attention while I play Animation Throwdown and then listen to a bunch of Poindexters rehash it a couple days later while I ride to work?  Well the short answer is that I won’t.  But I’ll tell you what I will do.  I will think about what the other three parks are.  They told us there are six and we know about three.

Existing Worlds

  • Westworld – duh.  I mean that is what the original book and movie were called so it makes sense.  I don’t like cowboys too much so I would not pick it but I get the appeal.  I do wonder if the guests have to wipe their asses with corn cobs, though.
  • Shogun World – I cannot imagine anything I would want to do less than walk through a pretty garden getting all psyched at how beautiful it is and then watch it all fall apart.  I see a pretty robot gal.  Do I talk to her?  I don’t speak Japanese so I guess not?  Then if she comes on to me I have a 50/50 chance of it being the Shogun’s daughter and having 50 ninjas CHOP ME TO DEATH.  Seriously I am not sure how you can failsafe a sword chop.  No thanks!
  • Raj world – FFS why would I want to be involved in that racist pile of junk?

Movie Worlds

  • Roman World – I could get behind that, I guess, if I got to do some political intrigue.  Otherwise I assume it is just eating grapes while I sit in one of those sideways laying down chairs.  That’s what I do at home (minus the grapes) so no thanks.  If I watched “Caligula” real quick, though, I would probably change my mind.
  • Medieval World – Due to my love of SAWAS (Swords and Wizards and S***) this would be the one I go to, but honestly, with no wizards, it is just another place where I might get chopped and toilets had yet to be invented.  Plus you would have to wear armor all day so if you met a robot you wanted to get intimate with it would take longer than when you pick someone up from a bar in the middle of Winter.  Ugh.

So I am not intrigued by ANY of these choices.  So I have some ideas of my own.

The Other Worlds

These are my top ones but I encourage you all to offer your own.

  • Cthulhu World – this might sound dumb but think about it.  In most of the Cthulhu stories the Old Gods never even show up.  It is just a bunch of cultists and maybe some smaller lizard dudes.  And since I have to believe that they can make ANY kind of gravity based creature, that should be no issue.  So running around Arkham in the Art Deco 20s and shooting cultists is super fine with me!  Plus real toilets.
  • Gangster World – this is pretty much just like Westworld except you are in like, Joliet, Illinois and have Tommy Guns.  And you would get old timey cars and if you are a cop you can bash robots in the head with a billy club.  And again, toilets.
  • Dungeons and Dragons World – this is the real one!  This is what I want.  If we ASSUME that the chopping things is safe, then why not make a bunch of Orcs and stuff and let people crawl through dungeons?  Imagine fighting REAL Orcs or Kobolds or evil Necromancers or whatever.  And the dumb ways adventures start in D&D would be perfect for robots.  Seriously I don’t know why they didn’t do this first.  This is the only non-toilet one I would accept.
  • Murder Mystery Weekend World – let this sink in.  It is just you and robots, or other guests?  WHO KNOWS?  And they could make mansions for like, every era.  People just come for the weekend and it is solved by Sunday.  Seriously that is the best idea ever.
  • Porky’s World – I dunno, seems like trying to outfox Porky would be fun?

Anyway what are your ideas and which of mine would you visit?