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What Would George Washington Do in Oregon?

What Would George Washington Do in Oregon?


Honestly I don’t think you need to know much more about what is happening in Oregon beyond what the dude in charge of it said himself.

They seized federal property and want to make their own…kingdom.  Not kingdom, but something.  Not a state, but you know. A weird no mans land where people can mine for free and ranch for free then make money off of the rest of America because somehow the rules don’t apply to these individuals.  Because freedom.

Now, even though our country is young, things always tend to repeat.  And in this case, I am reminded not of Shays’ Rebellion but rather of the Whiskey Rebellion.  For one reason, the name is cooler.  For another, it is really about people who decided that the Federal Government was not treating the people fairly.  And it is a GREAT example of what happens when dummies think that they are separate from the government.  Here is what happened in a nutshell and you can draw your own parallels to YallQaeda.

In 1791, distilled spirits were taxed by the feds.  This was the first time a domestic product had ever been taxed and people were wicked pissed about it.  To many, it felt like they had just finished fighting against taxes and they were not going to take it.  “Throughout counties in Western Pennsylvania, protesters used violence and intimidation to prevent federal officials from collecting the tax. Resistance came to a climax in July 1794, when a U.S. marshal arrived in western Pennsylvania to serve writs to distillers who had not paid the excise. The alarm was raised, and more than 500 armed men attacked the fortified home of tax inspector General John Neville.

Now the great part about this is that George Washington was President at the time.  And he was having none of it.  Here is what the father of our country did when faced with people who thought the feds were tyrants.  Mind you, this is the guy who JUST WON THE WAR AGAINST THE TYRANTS!  And the guy who quit being President after two terms because he didn’t want to be thought of as a king.  The guy who was so cool that he didn’t sign the Declaration of Independence because he was too busy being a General.  But he did read it out loud in NYC and it caused a big riot.  He did, though, sign the Constitution.  The one that gives the federal government power to tax.  So here is what he did to the angry white folk in Pennsylvania.

  1. Sent some dudes to try and smooth things over with VanillaIsis
  2. Told some governors to get a well regulated militia together (this will be important in a minute)
  3. Said screw it and decided to lead the army of 13,000 militiamen from Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey and Pennsylvania that was assembled by the governors of those states off to PA to kill him some rebels.

Now, the rebels found out about this and ran away.  But let’s let this sink in for a minute.

People thought that they did not have to answer to the Feds.  The Feds disagreed.  The States gave the Feds troops to go kill the rebels.  And they did it by having their well regulated militia strap on.  You know, from the Second Amendment?

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

So the rebels had guns because they needed to shoot squirrels and have a rebellion.  And the Constitutional powers of the Feds allowed them to go kill them without using Federal troops.  Because of the Second Amendment.

So, what would George do if he were President now?  Well, he would probably freak out about a lot of things since he traveled through time, and he would probably be all like: what?  That is not what we meant AT ALL!  About a lot of things we do now.  But he would also saddle up his plane and head out to Oregon and lead the Oregon National Guard up the hill to the bird house that was seized by the hillbillies and kill them all.




This is treason, folks.  Not an opinion.  Not a “different point of view”.  Treason.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.


    • Acadia Einstein

      There is no pleeeeasing you! But I promise I will have something dumb for tomorrow!

      • Bobbi Jo Woods

        You’re right. Not pleased. But I DID answer your question (link). Did you see George? He doesn’t care. He cares about pizza, though.

  1. Bigscrod wants cake

    He would not need the local National Guard today, he has several federal police forces at his disposal before he worried about needing military might (George would be amped about not having to worry about gathering a group, wondering how the hell to feed them all the way to Oregon, etc. Makes life much easier.). BLM has a small police force, but the FBI has already said it is now the lead agency for law enforcement in this situation. Which, I would suspect, will result in some people going to jail.
    You know, if they survive. *cough* Waco *cough*

  2. nbartolo71

    He would wonder why all these black folks aren’t wearing shackles.

  3. Mark

    The FBI is there and still nothing is happening…..Someone needs to go in hard!


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