According to Huffpost what you give the trick- or-treaters says a lot about you. Personally I shut off the lights, chain the attack dog outside and dare someone to try and take my delicious bite sized candy. It’s been five years since we’ve had a trick-or-treater but dog and I are still hopeful.
DISCLAIMER: The Author Claims to give out the Biggest Hershey Bar and it’s only the biggest you can get in the Supermarket.
We’re not sure what kind of neighborhood you live in but on Superficial Gallery Street Butterfingers aren’t what you get in your pillowcase. We’ve been helpful and updated the Huffpost list with some of the handouts people actually gave trick-or-treaters last Halloween.
MRE (Meal, Ready-to-Eat)
Nothing says: “Welcome to the Bunker” like surplus military food. These folks are actually ready for the Zombie Apocalypse so it might be good to give this place a pass if you’ve got a really good Walking Dead costume this year.
Jack Chick has been drawing tracts to scare the religious types since 1960. The rest of us regard them as a kind of bizarre delusion that ruins good comic book paper. Remember kids, pea soup spewing demons love to possess religious fanatics so watch out. They are very nasty.
You hiked all the way to the top floor of this run down apartment building and then knocked on all the doors till someone gave you something. You’d have been better off using one of the many Trick-Or-Treat Apps to optimize your haul.
Weight loss products
“My you’re a pudgy little child.” Some people think it’s never too early to learn about laxatives so check with your Mom or Dad before you eat anything from here. Look it’s Gluten Free too.
“Here have some french fries kid.” You’re about to witness a drunken brawl between this Fat Slob and the Skinny Witch who just gave you a Quick Loss bar. Aren’t Neighbor’s fun on holidays?
Look this candy cane still has the loop on it from where it was hanging on the tree last year. Stop pretending you just hung those lights up too. They’ve been there all summer. It’s not a total loss. Old candy canes are great diversions when you’re hiding the real stash from Mom’s chocolate cravings.
“Hey little Dude. What are you doing trick-or-treating on fraternity row?” The cops said the house would get in trouble if they gave out more Jack Daniels minis so here some soup. Remember to tell your mom that the guys think she’s a MILF and that she’s invited to the next kegger.
Eyeliner! Buy some eyeliner from meeeeeeee. Avoid this house at all costs even if you do use makeup samples.
Since it’s pretty obvious that someone is breaking into this house and trying to get rid of you it wouldn’t hurt to ask for the flat screen TV too.
Potato salad in a bag
Man these people are weird even for Superficial Gallery Street. If they’re having a party get an invite and learn a few things!
“Some deranged lunatic gave my kid Keebler Pepper Jack Cheese Sandwich Crackers.”
All the handouts listed were gleaned from posts like Worst Halloween Treats. We here at Superficial Gallery are personally going to go check out the Potato Salad house this Halloween.