"The Lost Library of Alexandria!"

So there’s this big buzz about the Great Pyramid at Giza right now. Apparently, archeologists were really close to discovering what was at the bottom of two of the four shafts built into the pyramid. Two of the shafts point upward at the sky, and if you watch Ancient Aliens, you know they’re some sort of openings for a long-dead energy device that the pyramid was originally built for. DUH.

The other two point downward deeper into the pyramid itself. Earlier this year, archeologists sent a robot down one of the 8-inch square shafts and found the end was blocked by a limestone slab with two copper pins in it. So they tried the other shaft with the same result. So they drilled a hole in that one and found…ANOTHER SLAB. Then Egypt got pissy and they had to stop their research temporarily.

Okay. This is all mildly intriguing, but I’ve seen enough Discovery Channel/History Channel/Science Channel/Nat Geo specials about Egypt (read: ALL OF THEM) to know how this is going to end already.

They’re going to drill a hole in the second slab and they’re going to find…


Then they’re going to theorize about it for years to come as to what it was used for. It was probably the spot someone needed to stand in order to make sure the measurements were correct. Or it was the bathroom. Or it was the place the aliens stored the long-gone energy source that the pyramid was using to power their spaceships. Either way, it’ll be completely empty and totally anti-climactic.

Sheesh, people! Everyone knows the real mystery is underneath the Sphinx! That’s where the freaking lost Library of Alexandria is! Can someone please get Nicholas Cage on the phone?