Why Baseball Rules
It’s time for baseball again. I want to make sure that all of you understand its awesomeness. So here are some points for you to recite to people and, if they ask you to prove it, just tell them they must hate America.
- Think of the best baseball movie you can (I pick Major League). Then pick any other movie about any other sport. Is it as funny? Nope.
- You can play baseball until you are like, 70. You can’t do that in any other sport where you have to run. You don’t run in golf, pool, shuffleboard or darts.
- You can be fat and play baseball. Just look to Babe Ruth for inspiration.
- You can do your job 3 out of 10 times and go to the Hall of Fame. Think a basketball player who shot 30% from the floor would last long?
- They have been playing baseball for a very long time and there are still things that have never happened. Like, there has never been a game where only 27 pitches were thrown.
- If they let girls play baseball, it would probably be fine. But nobody knows who the best girl baseball player in the world is so I can’t test my theory.
- Wiffleball is almost as good as baseball and you don’t need as much room.
- On the scale of how expensive it is to play, it is somewhere in the middle. It is less than hockey, but more than soccer. And soccer is stupid.
- People who say baseball is boring have been scientifically proven to be losers. In fact, there have been a lot of instances where science has proven that many people who don’t like baseball are killers and jerks. And they hate America.
- Baseball gave us the video after the jump. I know it could have happened in any sport, but this was baseball, and it is awesome.
Remember: if you don’t like baseball*, you hate America. And you will always be alone.