Oh no! Winona Ryder has admitted to the hospital in London because. Umm. Well, there really isn’t a good reason. According to the official story:
LONDON – Actress Winona Ryder was briefly hospitalized after falling ill on a flight to London’s Heathrow Airport Wednesday, her publicist said.
Mara Buxbaum said the 37-year-old was taken to a west London hospital Wednesday “as a precaution” and had since been released.
“She’s fine now,” Buxbaum said. She declined to go into details of Ryder’s illness.
Now that’s hard hitting news. Fell ill, went to hospital as a precaution, fine now. Wow. I feel so informed. However, this did make me realize that writing celebrity news is a lot easier than I thought it would be. So here are some ‘news stories’ based on things that I don’t think I could get sued for.
- Hollywood has the shits! The majority of actors and actresses in Hollywood go to the bathroom at least once a day. In some cases, the number of daily visits can skyrocket to 4 or 5. One notable exception is Amy Winehouse. Amy last tried to poop in March, 2008, and witnesses report that nothing came out but smoke.
- Super Flying Car Ready for Mass Production? – A car that functions just like the Delorean in the second Back the the Future movie is impossible and is not ready for production. Also, Christopher Lloyd’s house burned down.
- Jeremy Irons is OK – Actor Jeremy Irons was relieved today when he woke up alive. Apparently, he may have had a dream where he was in either a hospital or a hot air balloon and thought that he was going to either drown or fall, and there may have been a candy bar involved.
- Superficial Gallery Wins Nobel Prize! – Acadia crafted a Nobel Prize out of a paper plate and uncooked macaroni and awarded it to the Superficial Gallery today. Upon accepting the award, he said: “Thanks, now what do I do with this packet of cheese powder?”
News is fun!