JW gave me two pics and told me to choose one. My choice was: I like tits.
Four teams, 4 games left; here is what is left for YOU, the viewer and the reader.
On Tuesday, LA ORANJ, a.k.a. The Netherlands, a.k.a. Holland, a.k.a. The DUTCH did what they have been doing the entire group stage, which was find ways to score in any opportunity, leading to a 3-2 victory over the hated (by Africa alone really) Uruguay.
Starting off with a missile like shot by Gio van Bronckhorst (who is Screamin Lord Dutch), the ORANJ fought off everything that the Guays had to seal their berth in the Finals and really all of the hearts of anyone who roots for underdogs. The Dutch gets things done in a team like way – their only good comparison is to a less violent Germany. They’re a weird combination of stoner/hippy charm, just running around wildly in Orange kits, rolling deep with peoples in vans and buses, turning the World Cup into some hybrid Woodstock. It really doesn’t matter who they face in the final, as them even getting this far is success, surprising even their fans who didn’t even book their stay to include a trip to the finals.
Germany and Spain had the best game of the entire tournament, and what is the best possible representation of a “big game soccer feeling.” The caveman looking/80’s metal bassist Puyol played OUT OF HIS MIND on offense and defense, scoring the only goal, a vicious header in full coverage. It is going to the be the historical moment for the Spanish people, the thing they look at 20 years from now, no matter how many times they get to the final again. Spain has never won a World Cup and has never gotten to the final despite having great teams, leading to them getting the reputation as good on paper but chokers when it matters. Fernando Torres got screwed out of the all-encompassing second goal by striker Pablo, leading to certain backlash, but it doesn’t matter since they now face The Netherlands in a matchup that favors them.
More interestingly, they knocked off the Germans who were unbeatable in tournament play. Their youth proved to be momentum as they had one bad break and never were able to come back. Even more interestingly, Paul the Octopus can pick soccer games better than any human can. Now Germany goes to the Third Place TO THE DEATH Match (tm JW) against Uruguay in which both teams will play and kill themselves for the extra team bonus and the pride.
More Songs about related topics.
Paul The Octopus also receives death threats because it is 6-6 in picks and people are that insane.
Diego Maradona did a whirlwind of interviews post-Argentina explosion. He spoke on everything from the rest of the field, to the German loss to well, everything else. One interview however was intriguing enough for me to want to link to.
Beyond the idea of the “Nike curse” or the troubles with the ball, the pitch, etc. was the fact that the remaining teams in the tournament consist of NO worldwide famous stars. All of the guys who we expected to do SOMETHING; the Rooney/Messi/Kaka/Drogba/etc. all flamed out. So far only David Villa is the biggest “star” left, and Christiano Ronaldo was the lone star to score a goal. Why is this? Let me have my boy Maradona answer for you.
“Today the players are more collective, more team players,” the Argentina coach said after his own star-studded team was bounced from the World Cup. “They want to do everything with their teammates. It is a different type of game right now.”
In a world in which most people look at star athletes as being selfish, going for personal goals ahead of team play and wanting to win it all themselves, here we have a soccer icon saying that the problem with these stars was that they WEREN’T SELFISH ENOUGH. So Maradona, what was the difference between them and your campaigns?
“I think we were more selfish. Maybe before it was about being selfish players who [made the] rest of the team work for us.”
You know, as outside the box as that sounds the man does have a point. When you go into anything you of course go into it with your strengths up front. Germany plays as a team, mostly because their main guy Michael Ballack is out with injuries and hates everyone. Holland also plays as a team because the sum of it’s’ parts is greater than any one guy. HOWEVER, a team like say, Portugal has a clear talent in Ronaldo, much like the Ivory Coast had with Didier Drogba. Why didn’t they let those guys get more touches? It seems that the entire tournament is a crap shoot this year; mostly European teams in a typical South American-dominated format, big teams get bounced early, big teams not even making it out of the group stage, why didn’t we see situations in which the Ronaldo’s and the Drogba’s and the Rooney’s constantly have the ball? Sometimes you have to be selfish, you have to be more MARADONA.
The Germans have a lot of bad rep from their past. It is a culture that still has to live under the shadow of World War 2 to many, even though it has been many a generation since WWII and since the unification of East and West Germany. Because of this rep, they are considered to be machine like (said it myself), cold, ruthless, dominating. This is why they do things like smiling, and writing thank you notes to their fans. An excerpt:
To our fans in Germany,
We all have seen the pictures from home. Hundreds of thousands in the public squares, millions of television screens, emotions in black, red and gold. Our country celebrates a peaceful football party. Goosebumps for the whole team.
Aren’t those boys just a wholesome bunch?
Paraguay Girl (a.k.a. Larissa Riquelme) has decided that she will still get naked, even though the national team lost. This has been a message on behalf of the girl. I am just here to spread the word. She is so getting that “15 minutes of fame” Playboy spread soon; you know that the Hefner camp is trying desperately to get in contact with her before she does something dumb like give it away for free. Unfortunately though, being semi famous also comes with a price, as she now has stalkers. From her Facebook page, she posted this message, which was later removed:
“I want to tell all my fans that a number (sic) is threatening me with death and kidnapping. I am making it public so they know straight off that I already know who it is because I have friends at all the telephone companies. The NUMBER IS 0971-388-211. You know, friends, they want to hurt me. ”
Speaking of hot women and what they will (would) do if their team wins, THIS Dutch XXX star promises blowjobs if the Netherlands win. What makes this more fun though is that she will be giving BJ’s to not only the Dutch team, but EVERYONE following her on Twitter. In case you think that it’s too good to be true, she has enlisted a few of her colleagues to help.
You know what we have learned about South Africa? Not that they are a nation on the rise, not that they were able to semi-handle this event, but that they can party down.
Hey, have you met Ruud Gullit, ESPN soccer analyst, Dutch legend, current manager of Wigan? He’s the guy who’s not the German dude (Jurgen Klinsmann), not the English guy (Steve McManaman) and who is not the red-haired anti-christ (Alexi Lalas). Now do you know who I’m talking about? COOL, because I have this video to share with you.
Cristiano Ronaldo is now a dad. From his Twitter:
“It is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become father to a baby boy. As agreed with the baby’s mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential, my son will be under my exclusive guardianship. No further information will be provided on this subject and I request everyone to fully respect my right to privacy (and that of the child) at least on issues as personal as these are.”
Reaction to this news was met with curiosity; some were shocked, some had no idea he wasn’t gay, others are now TOTALLY CONVINCED. Fear not though, the baby will be raised in a stable and loving home.
If God was into soccer and watched the World Cup, who would God root for? This article tries to figure this out.
Conversely, people take soccer way too seriously. Like the Germans and Italians, who are killing each other over things like overall comparative records of their national teams.
JW has a weekly podcast that maintains the highest level of quality. Please visit Twenty9cast and subscribe to us in i-Tunes.
